I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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