The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
