can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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