oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
