Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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