we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
