Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
