You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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