I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
