she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
