i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
