Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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