Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
