; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
