I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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