Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
