I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize