Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
