If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
