Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
