I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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