hell yes lets make some ravioli
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
