You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize