I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
