I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
