cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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