I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
