i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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