I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
