He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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