just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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