So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
