any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
