My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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