Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
