is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
