you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
