My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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