i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
