It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
