why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
