last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
