tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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