ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
