I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
