Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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