the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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