i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
