$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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