I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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