You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
