we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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