how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
