He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
