I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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