Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
