Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
