Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
