How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
