At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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