i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
