You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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