Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
