Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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