Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
