I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
