You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize