yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Houston, we have a squirter
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
