I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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