I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
