ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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