Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
