Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
