i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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