Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
