Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
