Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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