im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
