i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize