Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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