No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
