I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
