Well apparently he's into motor boating.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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