He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize