I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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