I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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