you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
