i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
