Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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