I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
