On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
