I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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