Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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