i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
